


ghost

by 2009howell (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Please Read Trigger Warnings, Smoking, Smut, Suicide, dont read if any of that makes you uncomfortable, overdoseage, thats pretty much all thats triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 08:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4131409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/2009howell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dan doesn't know if phil really loves him or if all of this was just a game</p>
            </blockquote>





	ghost

**Author's Note:**

> this my first attempt at writing a angst fic so if you could please tell me what you think !!

_**Do I really want to do this again?** _

Dan watched as Phil unlocked the door to the motel room, looking around anxiously for anyone who would suspect them as criminals. The door opened with a loud creek, causing both of the boys to jump in surprise. Phil looked back at Dan as he walked in to the room, his blue eyes glistening in the moonlight.

"Are you coming in or what?" He growled, throwing his jacket on the old red couch. Dan sighed and walked in, his nose wrinkling up as he smelled the room. It stank of cigarette smoke and toilet cleaner. He sat down on the big bed and looked around, wondering how tonight would go.

_**I should leave while I still have the chance.**_

He didn't have to do this. He could be at home having dinner with his parents and chatting about his day. He shouldn't be in an old motel room with Phil Lester. He shouldn't be doing dirty things with him and ignoring him the next day, this isn't what normal teenagers do.

Dan shivered as Phil placed his hand on his shoulder, pulling down the collar of his sweater and kissing his neck. He sucked at the pale skin to leave pretty purple marks on Dan, earning tiny gasps. He smirked and continued to leave marks on his neck and collarbone.

"P-Phil.. please." Dan whispered as he laid down on the bed, ignoring the stains on the sheets. Phil undid Dans jeans, taking in the sight underneath him. He looked absolutely hot in his oversized sweater and boxers.

Dan looked up at Phil, admiring his messy blue and black hair and lip piercing. Never did he think he'd be in this situation with the bad ass of the school. Hell, he never thought the guy would even  _look_ at him. But here he is, pantless with Phil Lester in an old stinky motel room.

"Tell me what you want. Tell me what you  _need_ baby boy." Phil growled, pinning Dans wrists above his head. Dan could feel his face become flushed at Phils dirty talk. He could never tell him without being horribly embarrassed. 

"I-I need you.. just do anything.." He mumbled, closing his eyes. Phil chuckled above him and palmed the bulge in his boxers. Dan whimpered and bucked his hips. Phil smiled and pulled down his boxers, taking his throbbing cock into his mouth. 

**_This isn't right. We aren't even dating!_ **

Dan bit his lip and clutched the sheets, trying to regain his breath back. "P-Phil get o-off.. please" He whispered. Phil sat up and gave him a questionable look as Dan put on his boxers and jeans. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, walking over to Dan and hugging him from behind. Dan pushed him off and got his shoes back on. He opened the door and walked out quickly. Phil ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders. 

"Why are you leaving? Are you not feeling well? What's wrong Dan?" Phil asked, his blue eyes filled with worry. Dan sighed and sat on the sidewalk and looked at the bright neon signs around them. 

"I can't do this anymore.. I don't want to be your fuck buddy anymore! We aren't even dating, this is so wrong on so many levels Phil! I should be home with my parents and studying, playing video games or something. Not in an old motel having sex with you!" Dan cried out, his breathing becoming shallow as tears ran down his cheeks. 

Phil laughed and took out a cigarette, lighting it up and blowing circles with the smoke. He looked at Dan as he cried silently, wondering if the kid even knew what he got himself into. 

"Dan, you knew what was going to happen when we first did this. You knew we weren't going to be a thing, we both just want sex and that's it. I don't want to date you dude, I don't want to be in a relationship." He said, flicking away ashes. 

Dan looked at Phil, the anger in his body boiling at this point. He hated the fact Phil was right, he hated it so much. How come he was always right? 

Phil sighed and stood up, throwing the cigarette on the road. He turned to Dan and tapped his shoulder. 

"Get up, we'll finish in the car or something." He muttered, annoyed that he had to break into that room for nothing.

_**Is he** _ **_serious?!_ **

Dan got up and looked at him with eyes full of rage. His hands were fists beside him, his heart aching at what Phil had just said. 

"I'm not going anywhere with you, you bastard!" He yelled, his fist colliding with Phils cheek. He fell to the ground and yelled profanities as Dan walked away. He spit out blood and stood up, his legs wobbly. He couldn't believe what Dan had just done.

___________________

Dan got home an hour later, his right hand throbbing and his eyes bloodshot. Luckily his parents were asleep so they couldn't see the state he was in.

He went up to his room and collapsed in bed, looking at the ceiling and wondering about how things would have gone if he didn't stop him. Of course after that Phil would ignore him for a week until he comes up to Dan after school and asks for "help on the homework". Dan sighed and let the tears flow. 

_**Will I ever find love? Is anybody going to love me? Am I just going to be a sexual object people use and leave?** _

He hugged his pillow and sniffled, kicking off his shoes and jeans. He looked outside the window and thought about how it would be like to have a normal relationship, how it would be like to have someone love you for you. 

Dans body shook as he cried into his pillow, biting down when he needed to yell. 

_**I'll never know how to love someone.** _

He sat up and bit his lip to keep his sobs in, he didn't want to wake up his parents. 

Slowly, he made his way to his desk and pulled out two slips of paper and two envelopes. He wrote down memories and sweet words on both of them. After he had sealed them and signed them to their new owners, he went to his bathroom and sat on the tub.

_**Do I really want to do this?** _

Dan opened the cabinet and took out a bottle of pain killers.

It was harsh how they were called that.

He shook out all of the pills and placed them in his mouth, his thoughts going to Phil and how he would feel. Would he care? Would he cry for Dan?

Dan swallowed the pills and started to sob, feeling sorry for everyone who would know of him and his choice tomorrow. Was this really the right choice? 

His heart started to ache horribly, his vision blurry. He laid down on the cold floor and waited for the world to go black. 

_**Why did I ever love him?** _

_**____________________** _

Phil woke up the next morning with a throbbing pain in his left cheek. He looked over at the time and groaned. It was only 7AM and he was fully awake. 

"Good thing it's a Saturday. Mum would have killed me if I was late to school again." He mumbled to himself. 

Phil put on an old black tee and went downstairs, saying good morning to his parents and getting himself a bowl of cereal. They both looked at him and at each other, their eyes filled with worry.

"Phil, darling.. there's something we want you to see." His mother said, standing up and holding out a white envelope with his name written on it.

He grabbed it and went up to his room, ignoring the "we're here for you"s from his parents.

"What's so worrying about this letter?" He whispered. 

He sat at his desk and opened the envelope, spooning cereal into his mouth.

_**Dear Phil,** _

_**If you got this letter, I'm gone. I didn't run away or get kidnapped, I ended my life. This may seem stupid and childish but I have my reasons. First off, I was so broken. My whole life was filled with misfortunes and heartbreak. I couldn't deal with that. I met you and I thought that maybe... we could be a thing. Maybe you would love me and make my world bright again. But then I realized this was all just for your pleasure. You didn't want to love me. I wish things could have been different.. I really loved you Phil. When you started at me with those electric blue eyes and you gave me that devilish smile of yours, I fell so hard for you. The first time we snuck into a motel room and you took my virginity, I felt loved. I thought we could be something. I loved you so much Phil I kept doing these things for you. I didn't see how much damage I was causing myself.. I wish I had noticed sooner.** _

_**Goodbye Phil, I still love you.** _

Phil dropped the letter and fell to the ground, his heart twisted in his chest.

"You didn't have to do that Dan.."

 

 

 


End file.
